HEALTH
Status: Good
I'm staying consistant with my workout and began new ab excercises - they're killing me! I guess they don't call it ab ripper for nothing.
MUSIC
Status: Good
Continuously practicing and improving my guitar talents here.
ROMANCE
I'm taking a break from dating. I really don't have any desire to date at this point, and I'm still not completely over my most recent girl. Time, time.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Back to Business
Wow oh wow where did the time go, and oh what an experience has it been
HEALTH
Great. I've been consistently hitting the gym since my last update and noticed results all across the board. It's a commitment and definitely one which took me a long time to stick with, but once I began seeing results and taking my goals one step at a time, it became that much more tolerable. As the father of Taoism Lao-Tzu once said, "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" - coming to this realization after a long time of quitting and retrying truly allows me to pursue long term goals much more thoroughly. It's one to take to heart. Who knows, maybe it'll allow me to update this blog consistently as planned!
MUSIC
As with my gym progress, I diligently picked up the guitar once more and have been avidly practicing for the past couple of months. Progress on this front is amusing.. You really don't notice a steady rate of improvement. One day I just sit down, play, and break through a glass ceiling - then i hit another. It really is all about consistency, and it's paid off in this department as well in spades.
ROMANCE
What a story. My mishaps with romance have been so grand the past two years that I truly believe I can write a powerful novel straight from experience. What truly amazes me about relationships are two things - what you want, and what you need.
You can sit down with yourself and write up exactly what you want in a significant other - what they might look like, their hobbies, personality, quirks, culture, religion, etc - but you know what? In the end all of that is worthless. Trying to tackle the emotional field with that of logic is simply impractical - for the difference between what a person wants and what a person needs is vastly inconsequential.
How do I mean? Well, let's take a look. Earlier in the year, I dated Laura for a period of 6 months. On paper, this woman is everything I could ask for. Tall, beautiful, very easy to relate to, shared the same sense of humor, same hobbies, and most importantly - I could be perfectly myself around her. This sounds perfect, almost like I found my future spouse. But hey, guess what? 6 months in, and I never felt that emotion. All that logic, it all made sense on paper, it's what I wanted. Clearly however, it's not what my mind and heart needed - I never fell in love with this woman. What pains me the most? She felt the way about me as I wished I could feel towards anybody, towards her. The resulting breakup hurt her terribly, and I felt horrible and guilty for staying with her that long. Most importantly I thought to myself... Why couldn't I fall in love with her? Nothing was missing...
And that brings us to my most recent endeavor. Gerrica.
I have never met anyone in my life as drastically different than me before as her, let alone someone I dated. She listened to Bright Eyes and Elliot Smith, I loved Metallica and Tiesto. She is a psychology major with a large interest in the arts, I'm a computer engineer with a love of technology. She found shock and cringe humor amazingly entertaining, I favored the humor of goofs like Dave Chapelle. She loved the limelight, I loved pulling strings from the background. So different, but yet, a familiar emotion began creeping up on me...
Yeah, I was falling for her. However, I suppressed that emotion. As impressive as the subconscious mind is, one aspect to never underestimate is the power of instinct and gut reaction. Throughout my time with this woman, I never felt the ability to truly trust her. I had to fight with myself to keep from falling for her, and what an exhausting fight that was. Over the time of our relationship, I always felt something was off - something was up. Was her gay best friend really gay? Did she truly love me like she claimed? Did she really need money that badly that months into our relationship she decided to strip? I couldn't be sure, and as such, I remained emotionally vigilant. What a payoff.
A period of four days go by with her phone off. I began to worry. I look up this gay best friend's number and give him a call. She's sleeping at his place. We talk. I introduce myself and mention she spoke a lot about him. I asked him if he was the gay best friend she'd always go on about. What a reply I got! 'Gay best friend? Absolutely not. I'm her boyfriend.'
Pow. I knew it. I knew something was up all along. He knew me as her coworker. They were together for 6 months... And I was the second man. Lesson? The gut, go with it. Always.
Believe it or not, my reaction wasn't as clear cut as expected. I had a morale dilemma. Dante Algieri once stated that "The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis." For those who cannot relate to religious context, MLK stated a similar quote, "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." I didn't want to break the news to this guy, I wanted to discuss it with Gerrica on my own time. But I knew she would continue to see him, I knew that if I exposed her she would use every excuse and manipulative technique in the book to continue her scheme. It needed to end. What a surprise he had when I informed him of the truth.
So what happened after? Well, the next morning, we both dump her. She exchanges unpleasantness via text, blaming me for all that's happened - and threatening me as well. It's amazing how vividly a person can disassociate all personal fallacies from themselves and onto others. I sent a harsh rebuttal, stating only truth about her. I got no reply.
The 'gay best friend' texts me hours later. The woman attempted to take her own life.
Damn.
She gets out of the hospital and unleashes all sorts of nastiness towards me online - her false emotions towards me, racial remarks regarding my origin, and once more playing the blame game. Again, I send a rebuttal with the harsh truth. I'm blocked, and a harassment warning is issued on my facebook account. Hmm, classy.
Looking back, my harsh sentiments towards her may have best been left unsaid. She was defenseless where she stood, a sick puppy with fight left in her. But no, after all she put me through, I felt I had to have my final say. It amazes me really, how after what's happened, I still felt compassion and sympathy for her. Maybe my battle of emotional suppression was a failure. Maybe I did fall in love with her.
So, how do I rationalize this experience? Why did I have the capacity to fall in love with somebody so vastly different than me? Was it looks? No, in fact I believed Laura had that on her. So what was it? How can I rationalize not what I want, but what I need in another? My conclusion:
I'm Order, and I thrive for Chaos.
The search continues.
HEALTH
Great. I've been consistently hitting the gym since my last update and noticed results all across the board. It's a commitment and definitely one which took me a long time to stick with, but once I began seeing results and taking my goals one step at a time, it became that much more tolerable. As the father of Taoism Lao-Tzu once said, "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" - coming to this realization after a long time of quitting and retrying truly allows me to pursue long term goals much more thoroughly. It's one to take to heart. Who knows, maybe it'll allow me to update this blog consistently as planned!
MUSIC
As with my gym progress, I diligently picked up the guitar once more and have been avidly practicing for the past couple of months. Progress on this front is amusing.. You really don't notice a steady rate of improvement. One day I just sit down, play, and break through a glass ceiling - then i hit another. It really is all about consistency, and it's paid off in this department as well in spades.
ROMANCE
What a story. My mishaps with romance have been so grand the past two years that I truly believe I can write a powerful novel straight from experience. What truly amazes me about relationships are two things - what you want, and what you need.
You can sit down with yourself and write up exactly what you want in a significant other - what they might look like, their hobbies, personality, quirks, culture, religion, etc - but you know what? In the end all of that is worthless. Trying to tackle the emotional field with that of logic is simply impractical - for the difference between what a person wants and what a person needs is vastly inconsequential.
How do I mean? Well, let's take a look. Earlier in the year, I dated Laura for a period of 6 months. On paper, this woman is everything I could ask for. Tall, beautiful, very easy to relate to, shared the same sense of humor, same hobbies, and most importantly - I could be perfectly myself around her. This sounds perfect, almost like I found my future spouse. But hey, guess what? 6 months in, and I never felt that emotion. All that logic, it all made sense on paper, it's what I wanted. Clearly however, it's not what my mind and heart needed - I never fell in love with this woman. What pains me the most? She felt the way about me as I wished I could feel towards anybody, towards her. The resulting breakup hurt her terribly, and I felt horrible and guilty for staying with her that long. Most importantly I thought to myself... Why couldn't I fall in love with her? Nothing was missing...
And that brings us to my most recent endeavor. Gerrica.
I have never met anyone in my life as drastically different than me before as her, let alone someone I dated. She listened to Bright Eyes and Elliot Smith, I loved Metallica and Tiesto. She is a psychology major with a large interest in the arts, I'm a computer engineer with a love of technology. She found shock and cringe humor amazingly entertaining, I favored the humor of goofs like Dave Chapelle. She loved the limelight, I loved pulling strings from the background. So different, but yet, a familiar emotion began creeping up on me...
Yeah, I was falling for her. However, I suppressed that emotion. As impressive as the subconscious mind is, one aspect to never underestimate is the power of instinct and gut reaction. Throughout my time with this woman, I never felt the ability to truly trust her. I had to fight with myself to keep from falling for her, and what an exhausting fight that was. Over the time of our relationship, I always felt something was off - something was up. Was her gay best friend really gay? Did she truly love me like she claimed? Did she really need money that badly that months into our relationship she decided to strip? I couldn't be sure, and as such, I remained emotionally vigilant. What a payoff.
A period of four days go by with her phone off. I began to worry. I look up this gay best friend's number and give him a call. She's sleeping at his place. We talk. I introduce myself and mention she spoke a lot about him. I asked him if he was the gay best friend she'd always go on about. What a reply I got! 'Gay best friend? Absolutely not. I'm her boyfriend.'
Pow. I knew it. I knew something was up all along. He knew me as her coworker. They were together for 6 months... And I was the second man. Lesson? The gut, go with it. Always.
Believe it or not, my reaction wasn't as clear cut as expected. I had a morale dilemma. Dante Algieri once stated that "The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis." For those who cannot relate to religious context, MLK stated a similar quote, "In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." I didn't want to break the news to this guy, I wanted to discuss it with Gerrica on my own time. But I knew she would continue to see him, I knew that if I exposed her she would use every excuse and manipulative technique in the book to continue her scheme. It needed to end. What a surprise he had when I informed him of the truth.
So what happened after? Well, the next morning, we both dump her. She exchanges unpleasantness via text, blaming me for all that's happened - and threatening me as well. It's amazing how vividly a person can disassociate all personal fallacies from themselves and onto others. I sent a harsh rebuttal, stating only truth about her. I got no reply.
The 'gay best friend' texts me hours later. The woman attempted to take her own life.
Damn.
She gets out of the hospital and unleashes all sorts of nastiness towards me online - her false emotions towards me, racial remarks regarding my origin, and once more playing the blame game. Again, I send a rebuttal with the harsh truth. I'm blocked, and a harassment warning is issued on my facebook account. Hmm, classy.
Looking back, my harsh sentiments towards her may have best been left unsaid. She was defenseless where she stood, a sick puppy with fight left in her. But no, after all she put me through, I felt I had to have my final say. It amazes me really, how after what's happened, I still felt compassion and sympathy for her. Maybe my battle of emotional suppression was a failure. Maybe I did fall in love with her.
So, how do I rationalize this experience? Why did I have the capacity to fall in love with somebody so vastly different than me? Was it looks? No, in fact I believed Laura had that on her. So what was it? How can I rationalize not what I want, but what I need in another? My conclusion:
I'm Order, and I thrive for Chaos.
The search continues.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Long Time! Back to Updating
So a few things happened so far since I last updated
HEALTH
I've been hitting the gym for roughly a month now. I've noticed more definition in my chest as well as my arms. The diet could use some work as I don't think I'm eating properly enough for my workout routine. Strength and visual progress so far nonetheless.
MUSIC
Still no progress on this front
ROMANCE
Single again! I broke up with my gf of 5 months. Honestly, it didn't feel right. I never fell in love with her and felt like I never will. So the search continues.
I definitely forgot how hard dating is
HEALTH
I've been hitting the gym for roughly a month now. I've noticed more definition in my chest as well as my arms. The diet could use some work as I don't think I'm eating properly enough for my workout routine. Strength and visual progress so far nonetheless.
MUSIC
Still no progress on this front
ROMANCE
Single again! I broke up with my gf of 5 months. Honestly, it didn't feel right. I never fell in love with her and felt like I never will. So the search continues.
I definitely forgot how hard dating is
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Week of the 15th
WORKOUT
Weight: 218
Status: Good
So last Friday we did the next weigh in for the biggest loser competition here at work. I dropped down to 220 pounds! That's another 5 from the beginning of the competition. I weighed myself just this morning and I'm at 218. Those pounds are just shedding off.
I haven't been doing cardio at all lately and mostly stuck to a strict diet. Being able to control what I eat like I have been has been so beneficial and I know it's going to allow me to find the right muscle building diet.
Speaking of, I started weight training this week at last! It's time to being sculpting :P. I'm doing a 3 day weekly workout incorporating the entire body each time with super sets. It's all free weights, so the muscle built is practical and for athletic purposes as opposed to focused muscle training whose workouts would be hard to replicate in the real world. If I stick to this until November, there's no telling what progress I can make. I'm excited!
MUSIC
Status: Poor
Again, I haven't been practicing unfortunately :(.
ROMANCE
Status: Great
LDRs are alot of work, there is absolutely no doubt about that. What keeps me committed and dedicated to her and the relationship is that in this world that throws hardships on you left and right, never take a person who is good to you for granted... It's just so hard to find. I'm working hard on becoming more open with her as I feel communication is extremely important in a long distance relationship especially. Also, if I'm able to let those walls down, I feel it'll really benefit the entirety of the relationship as a whole.
2 days until I see her!!
Weight: 218
Status: Good
So last Friday we did the next weigh in for the biggest loser competition here at work. I dropped down to 220 pounds! That's another 5 from the beginning of the competition. I weighed myself just this morning and I'm at 218. Those pounds are just shedding off.
I haven't been doing cardio at all lately and mostly stuck to a strict diet. Being able to control what I eat like I have been has been so beneficial and I know it's going to allow me to find the right muscle building diet.
Speaking of, I started weight training this week at last! It's time to being sculpting :P. I'm doing a 3 day weekly workout incorporating the entire body each time with super sets. It's all free weights, so the muscle built is practical and for athletic purposes as opposed to focused muscle training whose workouts would be hard to replicate in the real world. If I stick to this until November, there's no telling what progress I can make. I'm excited!
MUSIC
Status: Poor
Again, I haven't been practicing unfortunately :(.
ROMANCE
Status: Great
LDRs are alot of work, there is absolutely no doubt about that. What keeps me committed and dedicated to her and the relationship is that in this world that throws hardships on you left and right, never take a person who is good to you for granted... It's just so hard to find. I'm working hard on becoming more open with her as I feel communication is extremely important in a long distance relationship especially. Also, if I'm able to let those walls down, I feel it'll really benefit the entirety of the relationship as a whole.
2 days until I see her!!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
WORKOUT
Weight: 222
Status: Good
Not much working out the past week, but I've been very strict with my dieting. That alone helped me drop another 4 pounds. 22 more to go! The next weighing for 'The Biggest Loser' competition here at work is March 11. Here's hoping I'll be in the teens by then
MUSIC
Status: Poor
Still no progress on this front
ROMANCE
Status: Great
Long distance is always hard, but constant daily communication makes that alot easier. I don't view it as too much an obstacle anymore. I'm flying to WA to visit her in two weeks!
Weight: 222
Status: Good
Not much working out the past week, but I've been very strict with my dieting. That alone helped me drop another 4 pounds. 22 more to go! The next weighing for 'The Biggest Loser' competition here at work is March 11. Here's hoping I'll be in the teens by then
MUSIC
Status: Poor
Still no progress on this front
ROMANCE
Status: Great
Long distance is always hard, but constant daily communication makes that alot easier. I don't view it as too much an obstacle anymore. I'm flying to WA to visit her in two weeks!
Monday, February 22, 2010
So alot has happened this past month!
WORKOUT
Weight: 226
Status: Good
So yeah this month has been really bad for me and really good. I stopped working out and let my diet completely go, driving my weight skyrocketing up to 236. However, at work, they started a program called 'the biggest loser' and I decided to join up with two other coworkers. Whatever team of 3 loses the most by april wins $50 each. not bad!
Old diet
I decided to do a few things. Each morning during my binge I ate ALOT. 1 waffle, 1 bagel with cream cheese, 2 pieces of toast. That's almost a day's worth of calories right then and there with all that butter, cream cheese, syrup, and unnecessary carbs. For lunch I used to eat 2 slices of pizza and a medium bowl of clam chowder. For dinner I went out and had fatty stuff like steak/red meats. All of this eating and 0 exercise to go with it
New diet
So I said enough is enough. For breakfast I had a bowl of lowfat oatmeal. At work I used to drink two cups of coffee loaded with cream and sugar. I lowered the amount of cream and sugar I put in my morning mug, and in the afternoon I replaced coffee completely with Green Tea (no sugar or anything added). For lunch I ate a turkey breast cold cut sandwhich on whole wheat with lettuce, a tomato, and one piece of white american cheese. For dinner I either ate nothing at all or a small bowl of cereal. I effectively cut down my calorie and fat intake by 2/3rds. That, and added with an hour of cardio every morning, I managed to cut down 10 pounds in less than two weeks! If I keep it up, I'll reach my goal of 200 in no time
MUSIC
Status: Poor
I haven't touched the guitar in more than a month :(.
ROMANCE
Status: Great
So Laura came and went back to Washington this past month. I'm happy to say she is exactly like I expected and we got along amazingly. She told me she was madly in love with me, it feels great! Finally I found happiness on this front. One of three of my blog's goals have been met! Now to continue getting in shape and working on that guitar...
Weight: 226
Status: Good
So yeah this month has been really bad for me and really good. I stopped working out and let my diet completely go, driving my weight skyrocketing up to 236. However, at work, they started a program called 'the biggest loser' and I decided to join up with two other coworkers. Whatever team of 3 loses the most by april wins $50 each. not bad!
Old diet
I decided to do a few things. Each morning during my binge I ate ALOT. 1 waffle, 1 bagel with cream cheese, 2 pieces of toast. That's almost a day's worth of calories right then and there with all that butter, cream cheese, syrup, and unnecessary carbs. For lunch I used to eat 2 slices of pizza and a medium bowl of clam chowder. For dinner I went out and had fatty stuff like steak/red meats. All of this eating and 0 exercise to go with it
New diet
So I said enough is enough. For breakfast I had a bowl of lowfat oatmeal. At work I used to drink two cups of coffee loaded with cream and sugar. I lowered the amount of cream and sugar I put in my morning mug, and in the afternoon I replaced coffee completely with Green Tea (no sugar or anything added). For lunch I ate a turkey breast cold cut sandwhich on whole wheat with lettuce, a tomato, and one piece of white american cheese. For dinner I either ate nothing at all or a small bowl of cereal. I effectively cut down my calorie and fat intake by 2/3rds. That, and added with an hour of cardio every morning, I managed to cut down 10 pounds in less than two weeks! If I keep it up, I'll reach my goal of 200 in no time
MUSIC
Status: Poor
I haven't touched the guitar in more than a month :(.
ROMANCE
Status: Great
So Laura came and went back to Washington this past month. I'm happy to say she is exactly like I expected and we got along amazingly. She told me she was madly in love with me, it feels great! Finally I found happiness on this front. One of three of my blog's goals have been met! Now to continue getting in shape and working on that guitar...
Monday, January 25, 2010
Week 10
Week 10
WORKOUT
Weight: 226
Status: Ok
Another week, another two pounds. Not bad considering I only worked out during the weekend. I'm really pushing to workout everyday. We'll see what that does for me by next monday.
MUSIC
Status: Poor
Bah, I slacked on the guitar once more. I worked alot of overtime last week, but 15-30 minutes a day really isn't worth making excuses for. I need to fit it in this week.
ROMANCE
Status: Good
10 more days!
WORKOUT
Weight: 226
Status: Ok
Another week, another two pounds. Not bad considering I only worked out during the weekend. I'm really pushing to workout everyday. We'll see what that does for me by next monday.
MUSIC
Status: Poor
Bah, I slacked on the guitar once more. I worked alot of overtime last week, but 15-30 minutes a day really isn't worth making excuses for. I need to fit it in this week.
ROMANCE
Status: Good
10 more days!
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